ARE YOU QUALIFIED FOR MARRIAGE?

In human history, the word qualification has been applied to numerous activities of man . For example, a country must have the required qualification to be admitted into the United Nations. Also, to participate at the Olympics, an athlete must have been adjudged qualified before being allowed to participate. Similarly, one must have the right qualification to benefit from the National Health Insurance Scheme. Again, only a qualified person is employed to work in an organization in a particular capacity.

In all these instances, it is worthy to note that being qualified is one thing while achieving the goal of being taken in based on your qualification is another thing. For example, being qualified for admission into the university is not the same thing as meeting the conditions for graduation with a degree from the same university. Consequently, when one is admitted based on his qualification or eligibility, he must yet work hard to ensure that he meets the conditions that will yet qualify him to be awarded a degree of that institution on graduation.

But the great truth here is that qualifying for marriage is by far much more weighty and involving than all the ones mentioned above because are we talking about being qualified for entry into an institution you will never graduate from until you die. We are talking about qualifying to enter into an institution that produces human beings, an institution where the human beings so produced can bring an unprecedented event in human history, either for good or for bad, an institution that if well managed, guarantees you an all-time happiness and peace of mind.

And so , when you qualify to get married, and eventually get married, you still need to work even much harder to enable you qualify to enjoy the fruits of the marriage. To get the details of how to achieve this, please get and read my book, ‘HOW YO ENJOY HAPPY FAMILY’ or read my previous posts on this website. Please note that the very  essence of this very post is to point out those attributes you ought to possess to qualify you for marriage. Please just read and try to understand these four points that follow.

  1. Biological Maturity: Having gone through many write ups, one may be tempted to believe that there is no particularly fixed or uniform age for marriage worldwide. It is a range of as low as nine years to about twenty five years and it varies from place to place. But particularly in some areas including India, eleven years old girl is considered old enough to get married. In most parts of Europe, a girl of sixteen years is normally and legally mature enough to get married, while it is seventeen years for the males. All said and done, a person preparing to get married should be biologically mature enough. Emphasis is actually more on the woman because she is primarily responsible for child bearing. Apart from ensuring that her reproductive system is fully mature, part of her skeletal system, particularly the pelvic girdle must also be fully developed. Another aspect of the biological factor is the health condition of a prospective husband or wife. In this regard, the person intending to get married should really get proper medical advice with particular attention to clearing any disease that may be present in his or her body.
  2. Personal Knowledge: As a child, being brought up by a knowledgeable and responsible family is very likely to imbue some discipline and personal knowledge about certain aspects of life generally. Acquiring much academic knowledge may not necessarily be a must-qualification for marriage but a basic education goes a long way to make one more enlightened about so many things about life. For example, in Northern Nigeria, if many of those young girls are literate and enlightened enough, they will surely oppose or resist or reject that traditional practice of genital mutilation as also done in some other parts of the world. Also, an enlightened young lady is less likely to be coerced into early marriage as done in some places. Also, an enlightened young man may not be comfortable marrying a young girl whose vagina had already been abused through mutilation because he must have known the likely health consequences of the ugly practice on the lady later in life. No doubt, being educated helps a prospective spouse read up up some materials about marriage and family even before getting married, and the knowledge so gained will surely be beneficial to them in their marriage.
  3. Personal Attributes: There has always been this practice of someone intending to marry having a list of the qualities or features or characteristics he or she will like their spouse to possess. But if you really want to be sincere to yourself, you should first do some introspection to be able to know those qualities you possess and this will enable you to have that moral ground or justification to ask your intending partner the qualities they possess. For example, are you easily irritated or provoked to anger?; are you beautiful or handsome, gluttonous, always drunk, despotic, not easily pleased, a thief, adulterous, soft-hearten, truthful, always happy? Are you a lair, an illiterate, a backbiter or always sick ? Are you highly educated, always healthy, an introvert or an extrovert, always keeping to time or always late to appointments or occasions? Are you rich or poor, tolerant, always giving excuses for failures? Are you a person that likes a clean environment? Do you usually like natural foods as opposed to junk foods? Indeed, it is sometimes very difficult for someone to be able to fully and correctly assess themselves and therefore it is quite sensible to ask a close friend or relation to do the assessment as honestly as possible. This may really help you know your real status with respect to those qualities or attributes. Through such assessment you will be able to know your strengths and weaknesses, maintaining the former while working on the later for improvement. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses usually breeds some self confidence which in turn enables you to overcome some challenges in your marriage that if not properly managed can lead to emotional or psychological trauma that can eventually tear the marriage apart. Particularly, as I had said in many of my previous posts, always bear in mind that there are some features in or on your spouse that can never remain the same with passage of time. For example, whether one likes it or not, the firmly standing breasts of the lady are bound to become flaccid after some time. And for the man, time will surely come when he will not be able to have more than two rounds of sex with your wife in a whole day.These are just some of the natural occurrences that one can do nothing about, and must therefore be allowed to happen. You do not need plastic surgery to firm up the breasts because of the likely negative consequences that can include death. Just try to wear the appropriate bra. And for the man, do not take sex performance enhancing drugs because of the likely danger that can arise which may include heart and kidney problems. In most cases, there is bound to be a problem whenever man tries to stop or hinder the course of nature. So, please let us be careful!
  4. Financial Status: Experts have tried to differentiate financial security from financial freedom. According to some experts, a person has financial security when he is gainfully employed either to do a salary job or is self employed. He is just able to pay his bills whenever necessary.  On the other hand, a person is said to have financial freedom when he is just not only able to pay his bills but also have a comfortable lifestyle that he chooses. And so, a person intending to marry should be sure of continuous source of income. While it is not possible for everyone to have financial freedom, it is expected that a person intending to marry should be able to be financially stable at least. Indeed, money is extremely important in marriage because most things in marriage are directly or indirectly associated with availability of money. The prospective partners should really be able to take care of themselves financially even before the arrival of the first baby who is now an additional source of expenditure. Being financially independent from friends and relations confers some level of maturity and confidence on the new couple. Just work towards that.

All the four factors mentioned above are just part of the conditions that qualify you to enter into marriage. They on their own cannot guarantee you a successful and happy marriage. When the chips are down, you must really work hard for your marriage to  succeed because as I have always warned, marriage is not a static entity. It is very much alive and dynamic for a whole life time that it lasts, until one of the partners dies. And even at that, the life of the family goes on. But it is very important that persons preparing to get married be well qualified in the first place. This is because if for example a primary six pupil forces himself to enter the university without first going through the secondary school, he will certainly not be able to cope with the university program because he is not qualified to enter the university in the first place and will eventually drop out either voluntarily or forced to withdraw. Not being prepared or qualified for marriage is one of the causes of broken or failed marriages.

You can please, get my book, “HOW TO ENJOY HAPPY FAMILY”. You can also read some of my previous posts on this website or send me an email through familyhappiness2000@gmail.com. You can as well call me directly 24 hours on +2348060402474.

Please enjoy your marriage and family.

Thank you.

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